Overreactive

We define overreacting as inappropriate, unnecessary or excessive feelings and/or behaviours (1).

We have all been in this situation. We have many expressions for such instances, like 'road range' and 'crimes of passion'. However, some people worry they overreact too often.

In this article:

How do I know if I’m overreacting?
Why do people overreact?
What can I do about overreactions?

Overreacting

Am I overreacting?

This question does not always come with a simple answer. Not all circumstances are clear-cut. People can experience stress, anxiety, and remorse at their overreactions. Unfortunately, other people seem oblivious to the size of their reactions and the impact on others. An appropriate response for one person can seem like an explosion to another.

The following questions can help identify a tendency to overreact (2). Do you:

Tend to regret what you say during intense situations?
Lash out at people you care about?
Regularly apologise for what you say and do?
Feel as if your emotions are out of control?
Tend to assume hostile intent in others?
Escape when emotions become overwhelming?

In addition, I would also look for a general wariness or fear of emotions and avoidance of situations in which you anticipate strong reactions.

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Synonyms for overreaction

We have many expressions for overreacting. Some common ones include:

Fly off the handle
Hot-headed
Over-sensitive

Understanding the causes of overreactions is the first step in improved self-management regardless of label.

Why do I overreact?

Many factors determine a person's psychological response to a given situation. Thoughts, behaviour, physiological state, and history are all likely to play a role.

While not the whole story, we link specific themes to overreaction (3):

Unfairness- excessive anger is possible when someone perceives unfair treatment.
Disrespect- strong reactions sometimes occur when rules of respect are broken.
Reduced self-esteem- overreactions can happen when unpleasant interactions threaten self-worth.
Rejection- rejection by others can trigger difficult thoughts and feelings.

Such themes can occur with unhelpful thoughts or ' cognitive distortions ' that drive overreactions. For instance, unfair treatment might trigger a strong response via the thought 'I must always be respected, otherwise, I'll never be successful'. The underlined words indicate 'all-or-nothing thinking' (instead of 'I like to be respected, but I can still do well if it doesn't always happen').

The brain perspective

We are designed to generate emotions. Our brains do this to grab our attention. But, your alarm brain can 'hijack' rational brain (sometimes called 'amygdala hijack' (4)). So, strategies to get your rational brain back online can reduce a tendency to overreact.

Emotion regulation

Emotion regulation is the ability to manage and control your emotions. This ability is a critical psychological skill. However, not everyone has a sufficient grasp of emotion regulation.

For instance, some people lack awareness of their emotional states. Alexithymia refers to difficulties naming and describing emotions.

We have various emotion regulation strategies. One is to control, suppress and avoid emotions. This approach doesn't tend to get people very far. By contrast, 'reappraisal' (evaluating and modifying thinking) is a more effective method (5).

Oops, I overreacted

Several strategies are available to address overreacting. These include:

Cognitive

Reappraisal skills are vital to reducing overreaction. You can take an 'observational' approach through mindfulness and mentally unhooking. Alternatively, you can tackle unhelpful thoughts directly with CBT techniques.

Physiological

Sometimes, a simple breathing exercise can improve bodily control.

Pause

Assuming you can see an overreaction brewing, pausing often helps the rational brain catch up and talk sense to your alarm brain. Try the above breathing exercise, or exit the situation for a short break (if possible).

Self-care basics

It's hard to manage ourselves if we're tired, hungry and stressed. Healthy eating, exercise, sufficient rest, and doing fun stuff takes care of the background factors in self-control.

Know your triggers

Plan for situations in which you consistently struggle to remain calm. Perhaps you can seek support to get through these situations, plan what to say, arrange to have short breaks, agree on ground rules before an encounter. There are lots of management options here.

Summary

We all overreact from time to time. It's important to avoid demonising yourself for this behaviour. However, you must take responsibility to minimise negative consequences for others. You must also develop a coping plan when overreactions are a frequent occurrence. An effective strategy takes cognition, behaviour, and physiology into account.

I'm overreactive. What can I do?