Deep Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend

Feeling stuck when having conversations with your girlfriend?

Good communication is key to a healthy relationship. Most people know this. But some find it tricky to find a topic of conversation. Thankfully, you can upskill in this area. Try using questions.

A new relationship can make you nervous. “Fall in love??! I can’t even string three words together”. A deep conversation makes some guys run for the hills.

But, some anxiety is normal when you start dating. This process involves the evaluation of your personality. Whether you admit it or not, dating brings the risk of disapproval. This anxiety makes it difficult to be yourself and find a topic of conversation.

It’s tempting to reduce the risk of disapproval by not talking about yourself. While revealing yourself may be uncomfortable, a healthy relationship needs this information sharing. We should show more of ourselves over time (if things are going well).

Questions are a great way to communicate and share information. You don't need deep questions, cute questions, personal questions or 'good' questions. The guy who's always ready with great questions and one-liners is a fictional character. Real-life conversations can be messy. Again, you don't need perfection. Most people can benefit from brushing up on a few skills.

Here are a few strategies to make the words flow.

Don't shut things down

Finding it hard to talk to your girlfriend? You might over-use closed questions.

Two main question types exist. Closed and open questions. Closed questions require a short response. Some examples are:

Do you like broccoli?

Are you going to the concert?

Do you feel sick?

Am I boring or annoying?

Closed questions are handy in certain situations. Such as:

When needing a specific piece of information
Getting a conversation started or warmed-up

But don't go overboard. Sprinkle a few closed questions into the discussion. Closed questions can kill conversations when over-used. Yes or no are often the only choice available.

Open ended questions

If there are good questions to ask your girlfriend, open questions are a great option. These questions help with flow and encourage longer responses. Happy life.

Here are some examples:

What was the best part of your weekend trip?

What's your opinion on the new campus rules?

How did you feel after we talked about our relationship last week?

What do you enjoy about travelling?

What are the three most essential qualities in a person and why?

Open questions possibilities are endless. They also help you show genuine focus. Interesting questions can reveal important thoughts and opinions. This knowledge is excellent for the long term. The more you know, the more topic options you have.

The following phrases are not questions technically. But they can encourage longer responses:

Tell me about…(e.g., Tell me about your proudest achievement)
Describe to me…..(e.g., Describe to me your perfect day)

Open questions switch you into fact-finding mode. Focus on gathering information if stuck for words. This emphasis can reduce conversational pressure and help you pay attention.

Remember to pay attention to the answers. Responses help you generate more questions and conversation topics. Here are some tips on effective listening. Advice in that article was written with a mental heatlh issue in mind. But the listen skills suggestions apply equally well to a relationship.

You can prepare for a conversation by listing a few open-ended questions to ask. Don't overdo it. One of the great (and difficult) aspects of conversations are their spontaneity. Too much pre-planning can make things harder.

What to talk about with a girl

You'll get familiar with your girlfriend's interests over time. This knowledge helps identify question topics.

Use open questions in combination with these interests:

What aspect of painting interests you the most?

Where would you like to take your painting?

Who is your favourite painter?

What do you like about their style?

Don't forget to answer questions yourself. Express your thoughts and opinions. She needs to learn about you too. Mutual exchange is vital in communication. She may be concerned if the conversation is one-sided. Try questions for couples, or both contributing to an answer. Examples include:

What do we do well together?

What do we most want from our next holiday together?

Sexual questions to ask your girlfriend

Some topics are uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable! Talking about sex makes many people cringe.

The best approach here is to keep practising difficult subjects. This 'exposure' can make these topics easier over time. Other 'big' issues might cause discomfort. Topics like religion and the future might feel intense.

Don't rush these conversations. And come back to them from time to time.

Fun questions

Emphasise enjoyment. Nothing wrong with trying fun questions. Mix it up sometimes by keeping things light. This approach can help with nerves. Again, you don't need to be James Bond.

Here are a few ideas:

Someone gives you one million dollars. You must spend it within 12 hours? What's your plan?

What has been the funniest moment in our relationship?

What title will you give to a TV show about your relationship?

What animal would you be and why?

What three items do you take on a trip to Mars?

What would you say is your favorite memory?

Other tips

Anxiety and pressure can build when your mind goes blank. The more you try to generate questions, the harder it gets.

Here is an article on mind blanking
Try this breathing exercise

You might have learned bad communication habits. Perhaps you saw unhelpful patterns in your parents. Listen to people who are skilled in conversations. Question skills can improve when you study these people.

Prepare conversation starters before meeting someone. Some people find this helpful groundwork. But remember to avoid over-preparation. You don't need a long list of questions.

Here are some additional examples:

What roles should men and women play in relationships?

What do you want to be known for?

What does social media mean to you?

What is your attitude towards money?

Tell me three things that make you feel grateful.

What film or book has impacted you the most?

Tell me about a favourite memory.

What could we put on a list of 'interesting questions' for each other?

Spending time together is in itself important. There's no need to ask questions constantly. Silence might be the best communication at times.

Finally, here is an interesting video on 'having better conversations'…

Summary

Here are the key take-home points. Keep these in mind next time you are struggling to think of things to talk about with your crush:

Communication in relationships is not always easy
Anxiety is normal. You are revealing information about yourself
Try working on question skills
There are closed and open questions
Open questions allow things to flow
Use a range of topics.

On-going, serious anxiety might indicate a problem requiring specific support. For example, people with social anxiety can really struggle to feel comfortable in a relationship. Consider seeking some extra help if this sounds like you.

We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can also help with any relationship issue. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.

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