Unrealistically High Standards and You
What Are Unrealistically High Standards?
Unrealistically high standards can limit our success and compromise our well-being.
Unrealistically high standards are performance expectations that are beyond a person's capabilities given their current skills, experience, and resources (e.g., experience, support from others, personal resilience).
There is a degree of subjectivity here, but we are talking about standards well beyond 'stretch goals', or results at the outskirts of our abilities without going beyond them.
Unrealistically high standards are related to perfectionism in that both involve striving to attain very demanding targets. But the latter also entails basing self-worth entirely on achieving these targets and persisting with them despite the considerable personal cost (1).
Why pursue unrealistically high standards?
We often pursue unrealistically high standards in an effort to get the best from ourselves. Many feel very uncomfortable about setting sights lower than their perceived maximum capabilities (and beyond). Other people might set these standards as a way to compensate for feared shortcomings.
The downside
Unsurprisingly, there are many pitfalls with unrealistically high standards. These range from a sense of failure, reduced confidence, and negative self-image, to anxiety, increased stress, and falsely attributing perceived failures to personal factors (e.g., lack of talent).
Then why persist with these standards?
There are many answers to this question:
Some people fear that lowered expectations will result in reduced performance
Other people want to believe their skills are better than the average person
Another explanation is that many people do not challenge the assumption that these standards are the best way to maximise success.
What next?
So the obvious question is What can I do about unrealistically high standards? I work with many people who face this issue in their personal and professional lives. The way we intervene will vary from person-to-person. Here are a few examples of the available strategies:
First, ask yourself if you are really prepared to try an alternative to the unrealistically high standards approach. Consider the pros and cons of altering this approach as a way to reflect on this question.
Identify beliefs and assumptions about setting (unrealistic) standards. What do you make of these thoughts? Are they helpful/ Are they based on fact?
Experiment by reducing expectations by 10-20% on a relatively minor task. What would this look like in practice (e.g., I might spend 30 mins less on a job). What do you predict will happen to your performance? Evaluate what happened afterwards in terms of your predictions and subjective experience.
Learn to notice the positives in your week by keeping a success diary. This strategy is a great way to encourage a balanced reflection on what went well and where you could improve.
There are lots of other ways to address unrealistically high standards. Many people benefit from both a performance and well-being perspective when they critically reflect on this issue and try out some new approaches to performance.
Further reading:
How To Be An Imperfectionist by Stephen Guise
Overcoming Perfectionism by Roz Shafran and colleagues
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer depression and a range of other wellbeing issues. We can also help with unrealistically high standards. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
Reference
(1) Shafran, Roz. Overcoming Perfectionism 2nd Edition: A self-help guide using scientifically supported cognitive behavioural techniques (Overcoming Books). Little, Brown Book Group.