Why Can't I Do Anything Right?

Believing you can't do anything right is an experience no one wants to have. This impression creates negative emotions and damages your mental health.

But, this state is common, and it is vital to prepare an effective response.

First, we need to understand this difficult inner state.

What is happening?

Thinking you can't get things right is an issue related to thoughts and feelings. Our brains are prone to certain thought distortions. All of us have these thinking errors and biases. But, they can be tricky to spot. These thoughts are more than just negative self-talk.

The statement 'I can't get anything right' may contain several distortions-

All or nothing thinking

The word 'anything' is key in this statement.

All or nothing thinking occurs when people see the world in black and white terms. Everything is great, or everything is terrible. There are no exceptions.

Life is not like that in reality. It is unlikely that you are getting EVERYTHING wrong.

Emotional reasoning

'It FEELS like I'm getting everything wrong. Therefore I MUST be getting everything wrong'.

Emotions are just emotions. They are not evidence or facts in support of a thought. Emotions and thoughts often get mistaken for reality.

Remember that emotions are not reality. They are signals from the body.

Rumination

Rumination is a pattern that traps people in a harmful cycle of negative thoughts.

Your brain produces damaging thoughts disguised as questions. Asking why you can't get things right is really saying 'I can't get things right'. This thinking pattern locks you out of problem-solving mode and ways to improve your situation.

Filtering

The brain can selectively ignore information that does not match an intense psychological state. You more readily remember 'failure' experiences when thinking you can't get things right. This gives the impression that you can't succeed.

Your brain might also focus on 'big' failures, or important moments that did not go to plan (e.g., an interview for a dream job). Performance on small tasks may get ignored. But, most of life is built from routine day-to-day activities.

Sticky brain

There is another bias to understand.

Your brain is a 'don't get eaten machine' (1). Its number one job is to keep you alive.

This means the brain is 'sticky' for threats. Better to be safe than sorry. A false alarm is better than missing something dangerous. Getting things wrong is a threat.

So, the brain will say you can't get anything right if there's ANY chance of this being true.

When reality hits

We don't always get things right. This is part of life. Extra trouble occurs when normal is labelled abnormal.

No one wants to get things wrong. But mistakes, misjudgement, regrettable behaviour, and poor performance is part of life. We can try coping with this reality, or blame ourselves for life happening.

What can I do?

There's some good news. You can do something about this issue. Here are my top five strategies.

1. Normalise

Reduce the struggle to make life something it cannot be. Getting things wrong is normal. We want to see ourselves in a positive light. But you can't give a perfect performance all the time. This stance is not giving up.

Normalise helps you acknowledge reality. And reality sometimes does not feel good (but can also be fantastic).

2. Monitor

Keep track of thoughts. What else is your brain saying when you can't get things right? Can you spot the above thinking errors?

3. Challenge

Talk back to recorded thoughts. Use your rational brain to answer any of the following questions:

Are there exceptions I'm missing (times I have got something right)?
What evidence do I have that I can't get things right?
What is reality according to my emotions? How does this compare to how my rational brain views reality?

4. Learn

Rather than self-criticism, we can explain why the brain says you can't get things right. Try the following questions:

What has made me think I can't get things right?
What key events are behind this belief?
What positive actions could I take in response to this belief?

5. Tackle other issues

Thinking errors and challenging experiences are not the only causes of thinking you can't get things right. Low self-esteem, social anxiety, low mood, and stress are examples of other issues to address. Follow the links for more information and advice. You may also want to seek extra informal (e.g., family members) or formal help.

Summary

It is normal to feel you can't get things right. But, consider seeking some extra help if this belief doesn't go away or interferes with day-to-day life. Look for thinking errors and try the suggested strategies.

Jun 9 I can't do anything right