Here's What To Do If You're Afraid To Feel Emotions
Afraid to Feel Your Emotions? You Need to Read This
Our bodies are designed to produce emotions, both good and bad. But for some people, certain emotions can be so overwhelming that they start to avoid them altogether. If you find yourself in this situation, it's essential to understand that avoidance can actually make your emotional distress worse in the long run.
Why We Avoid Emotions
There are several reasons why we might start avoiding certain emotions. Here are some possibilities:
We might believe we can't handle feeling those emotions.
We might also think that if we give in to our emotions, we'll never be able to stop feeling them.
We might be concerned about negative judgements from others.
Or, we might be afraid of the longer-term effects if we let ourselves feel those emotions fully.
We live in a society that tells us to "just suck it up" and "deal with it." So when faced with challenging emotions, we can think it's weak or wrong to show them. We might even believe that people will judge or think less of us if we show our emotions.
Unfortunately, some people do judge personality based on emotional experiences and control. Emotional suppression and avoidance are methods to cope with the perceived unacceptability of strong emotions.
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Information Sources
When we avoid our emotions, we also avoid important learning opportunities. Understanding the reasons for these emotions (and the urge to avoid them) provides information we can use to manage ourselves in more effective ways. For example, anger might be caused by perceived unfair treatment. Avoiding anger might occur because we're afraid of losing control and hurting someone physically or emotionally.
The Consequences of Avoiding Emotions
Avoidance might seem like the best solution in the moment. However, this strategy has several consequences that worsen emotional distress in the long run.
When we try to bottle up our emotions, they have a way of coming out eventually—usually at the most inconvenient times. And when they do come out, they can be more intense than before. So it's not surprising that we would want to avoid them altogether.
Avoidance can also lead to isolation. We may tend to avoid others if we believe we are defective. This means we miss important opportunities to connect with others and test unhelpful beliefs about emotions. Over time, isolation can compound our emotional distress and make it even harder to reach out for help when needed.
Avoidance can interfere with our ability to function in daily life. When we're constantly trying to avoid certain emotions, it takes up a lot of mental energy—energy that could be better spent on important activities.
The Song
'Afraid to Feel' is a song created in 2019 and released by Scottish duo LF System. The song prominently samples the Philadelphia International Records act Silk's 1979 song ' I can't stop (turning you on)'.
Scanning the lyrics, the song doesn't give much in the way of advice about good emotion management! That probably won't surprise you.
But there is one line in the song: 'Are you afraid to feel what you know it's real?'. This is an example of emotional avoidance. Some people try and avoid feelings of attraction to others. There can be several reasons for this (e.g., prior bad experiences in a relationship).
What you Can Do
The key to feeling more comfortable with emotions is gradual exposure and exploration. Here are some articles to help you along the way:
Summary
Emotional avoidance might seem like the best solution in the moment, but it can actually make your emotional distress worse in the long run by isolating you from others and interfering with your ability to function in daily life.
If you're struggling to cope with your emotions on your own, you may want to reach out to a professional who can help you understand and replace avoidance with more useful strategies.
Further reading:
Many people have found Thibaut Meurisse’s book on emotion regulation helpful.
We have extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can also help with fear of emotions. Read more about our work or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
