Here's How To Talk To Anyone
How To Talk To Anyone: The Practical Guide
We are social beings. Being connected to others is good for our health. However, conversations with people sometimes feel uncomfortable. Some people even experience severe social anxiety.
Thankfully, there are lots of helpful strategies to promote positive social interactions. You can learn effective verbal and behaviour strategies, whether it is small talk or an important moment with a conversation partner.
We have compiled several tips to encourage a positive experience when you talk to people.
General Guidelines
Here are some key strategies, regardless of the conversational situation:
Give people your full attention. Active listening skills are part of the conversational foundation. Fully engaged listening requires attention towards what the person is conveying, not interrupting, and maintaining good eye contact.
Test your understanding. You can check understanding via questions (e.g., You're interested in learning more, but it would be hard to make the time?). Paraphrasing also conveys listening and comprehension (e.g., so you're saying this job has been challenging but a great experience overall).
Show interest in the other person. Good conversations come from genuine interest. Immerse yourself in what others are saying. Aim to listen and understand the other person first.
See both (or all) parties as being equally important in an exchange. This helps to promote a positive interaction and warm response between the parties.
Use conversational skills to improve. You can only develop listening and conversational skills through repeated practising.
Seek help if your anxiety gets in the way. Many people suffer from significant anxiety in social situations. These guidelines will not be enough to progress. Additional specialist help can go a long way to reducing anxiety.
Be realistic in your conversation experiences. Conversations never go perfectly. Expect to have some ups and downs.
Tips for Introducing Yourself
Introducing yourself can be a nerve-wracking experience. So here are some tips for making a confident introduction:
Be aware of your physical presence. Stand tall and make eye contact with the other person. Smile and shake hands if possible.
State your name in a clear and confident way.
Speak slowly. Reducing your pace gives you time to think and helps ensure the other person understands you.
Be brief with an initial introduction.
Switch the focus to the other person. Show genuine interest and ask them questions. But leave the conversation one-sided. Give and take is required for a flowing interaction.
Body language
Non-verbal communication and behaviours are essential elements in a conversation. The tone of voice, eye contact, and body posture are just a few of these components. Here are important principles to follow:
Make eye contact. Visual focus shows you are genuinely interested in the other person.
Smile. Smile often to signal friendliness and engagement.
Demonstrate attentiveness. Lean forward slightly when listening to show that you are engaged in the conversation.
Use gestures to enhance communication. Use your hands to emphasise points or make small gestures like nodding to encourage and show agreement or understanding.
Effective Conversation Starters
Conversation starters can be tricky, but it may help to prepare options ahead of time. Here are three suggestions:
Ask open-ended questions. These questions allow for a more interesting conversation flow. Examples include: "What do you like to do in your free time?" or "How did you get involved in [x activity]?"
Share some information about yourself. Speaking about yourself gives the other person something to work with. Providing this information promotes a balanced exchange and provides material for follow-up questions.
Some people benefit from mentioning social discomfort as a light-hearted way to get talking.
Starting Conversations With A Stranger
Starting conversations with strangers can be especially nerve-wracking. But having a clear game plan will help you be successful. Here are some tips for making conversation with anyone you meet.
Smile and make eye contact right away. This will let the person you are talking to know that you're open and interested in what they have to say.
Make use of open questions. Again, this encourages good conversational flow, shows interest, and gives you material to work with.
Find common ground to discuss. Look for subjects that promote connection. This can include shared hobbies, people you know, or common experiences (e,g., discuss a shared holiday destination).
Do not force a conversation. You usually do not have to continue conversations that are not flowing smoothly. If possible, politely excuse yourself instead of trying to continue.
Be mindful of body language. Maintain an open body posture, keep appropriate eye contact and use 'non-verbal reinforcers' (e.g., nodding, saying "Ah ok" or "Interesting").
Anxiety
There are many reasons for experiencing anxiety in social settings. Common examples include:
Fear of negative evaluation
Doing something embarrassing
Being under threat from others (e.g., aggression)
Fear of being uninteresting or boring
Anxiety is logical given the importance of social connection. However, our ability to 'perform' is often harmed when anxiety gets out of control. Furthermore, people tend to use unhelpful strategies in response to their anxiety (e.g., avoiding other people).
It is important to be alert to increasing anxiety and the emergence of problem behaviours. When anxiety is relatively low, most people can feel more comfortable by spending lots of time with others. Anxious individuals can use the following strategies in addition to the suggestions provided in this article:
Practice diaphragm breathing before and during an interaction
Use positive coping statements to counter worst case scenario thinking
Focus your attention on other people and away from monitoring your body for signs of stress
Social anxiety can escalate to Social Anxiety Disorder. This condition reflects a severe level of anxiety that greatly interferes with daily life.
We strongly encourage you to seek professional assessment and help if you suspect a serious anxiety issue. We have effective treatments for this problem. You do not have to continue suffering.
Summary
Everyone can improve their ability to talk with other people. The key to success is having a set of strategies you practice regularly. Seek additional help if high anxiety levels prevent you from enjoying interactions and achieving social life goals.
Our team provides practical advice and strategies to help people communicate effectively and positively interact with others. We also support people who experience specific interactional difficulties and social anxiety.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.