Eliminating emotion: The key to good performance?
How To Control Your Emotions
Many people believe the critical indicator of success (or failure) during challenging situations is the degree to which emotions are suppressed.
But, problems arise when affective (emotional) control is the sole success metric. There's more to performance than stamping out all strong emotions.
In this article:
Intense feelings
Remaining calm under pressure is a valued skill, and for good reason. This ability is indeed a logical focus in performance situations. You don't want your neurosurgeon collapsing in an inconsolable heap on the floor mid-procedure crying "I just realised that my parents have never really been there for me".
Most people would like to stop feeling emotions when it counts. What's more, intense negative emotions often contradict (implicit and explicit) organisational culture and raise the fear that colleagues will assume a lack of self-control skills.
Emotion regulation is undoubtedly an essential element of any professional's skill set. But, some people over-emphasise this ability to the detriment of their mental health.
What's your position on managing difficult emotions? Here are three questions to consider for stressful situations:
What is a realistic emotion regulation goal?
Are there other measures of success in difficult situations?
Does an exclusive focus on emotion lead to unintended consequences?
Is this goal realistic?
Emotion management goals must account for the degree of difficulty in a challenging situation. Being charismatic and articulate during after-work drinks may be easier than executing that same persona during a board meeting. An informal watercooler chat with a colleague will be easier than being interviewed by that same person for promotion.
I see many people rigidly apply the 'must be perfect' mantra to EVERY challenging situation. Sometimes, 'just getting through' the experience deserves a little victory fist-pump.
We would all like to give a flawless performance every time. But this is plain unrealistic. In sport, there is a saying 'You've got to lose a championship to win one'. This statement reflects that time and experience is required to adapt to high-pressure situations. Adjusting expectations according to situational demands encourages sensible and strategic performance expectations.
The next time you go into a performance situation, ask yourself 'What is a realistic emotion regulation goal?'.
Other metrics?
Controlling or suppressing emotion is one of many performance measures. Which of the following interpretations of powerful emotional states resonates with you the most?
Something has gone wrong, and I must suppress these feelings.
Something important is happening, and I must take notice.
These are very different reactions to strong emotions. The first statement assumes poor performance and an undesirable psychological (emotional) response. The second regards emotions as a valuable information resource.
Which of these two responses will be more effective at improving long-term performance and wellbeing? I argue the second for the following reasons:
You can't avoid emotions, including strong and/or unpleasant ones.
Psychological theory and research support the contention that emotions exist as providers of information, motivation and action.
Thought and emotion suppression has a patchy success rate at best, and can even bring the opposite of what's intended.
Self-development is more likely when we see strong emotions, not as threats, but as learning opportunities.
While control of strong emotions is important in some situations (e.g., a medical emergency), there are other potential measures of 'success' in challenging moments. The second interpretation (Something important is happening.....) allows other success measures—namely, the extent to which you tuned into your body and noticed what happened.
There are other measures. For example:
Successfully sticking to a plan of action (e.g., asking all pre-prepared questions in a key stakeholder meeting).
Maintaining an outward appearance of relative calm.
Using emotion management or distress tolerance skills on the fly.
Avoiding really embarrassing slip-ups (e.g., running out of the room screaming!)
You risk over-emphasising self-control and missing other metrics when emotional suppression is the sole focus. Instead, take a broad perspective when considering measures of success in performance situations.
Unintended consequences
When considering emotional control, we must consider psychology as much as physiology.
Unrealistic or unhelpful interpretations of an emotional experience can lead to unintended negative consequences in our professional and personal life.
What happens when we over-emphasise the importance of emotional suppression? Some possibilities include:
The 'filtering' cognitive bias: Missing other positive aspects of performance.
All your eggs in one basket: Self-confidence that's primarily determined by emotion suppression abilities. Perceived shortcomings in emotional control lead to dents in self-belief.
Self-fulfilling prophecy: Moments of strong emotion feel threatening, driving up the intensity of these feelings, thereby making them hard to regulate.
What's more, you might unintentionally set wacky assumptions, such as 'All those who experience intense emotions are inferior to those who exhibit Mr Spock-like control'. Again, this statement narrows the focus to one success measure. But, even if this statement were true, would it improve long-term emotion regulation skills? In my experience, no it wouldn't. It is more likely to increase performance anxiety and perceived failure.
How to turn off your emotions
I recommend focusing on regulation, not elimination or suppression of emotion.
What's more, we should take notice of strong emotions and use the information they provide to enhance our performance and wellbeing over time. Here is an article on noticing and naming difficult psychological states.
Emotional regulation skills
There are many skills training options if you struggle to contain big emotions. This is a common issue, and there's no need to feel ashamed. This article from Positive Psychology outlines several emotion regulation skills. Some people benefit from practising mindfulness, which cultivates present-moment awareness. Several techniques are also available from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT).
Fancy strategies are not always required. Try this straightforward diaphragm breathing technique for stressful situations.
Summary
In performance situations
Focus on a wide range of success metrics
Don't over-emphasise emotional suppression
Set goals that take account of difficulty level
Review and reflect on challenging situations, then plan your approach in similar future circumstances.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can also help with emotional management. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
