I can't cry. What's going on?

12 May

Tearing Up

Feel sad but struggle to cry? Crying is not always the easiest of experiences (except for tears of joy). This turbulent world gives us good reason to shed tears. However, some people find they can’t cry. Why is this, and what can you do about it?

Why can’t I cry anymore?

Human crying is assumed to keep us connected and ‘attached’ to important people (1). We are the only species that produce emotional tears (2). Crying may even come with health benefits (3).

A medical condition or psychological issue may leave you unable to weep. Here are some possible medical explanations:

Dry eye syndrome: A condition that interferes with tear production. Prevalence rate estimates vary wildly. However, this condition is more likely in older adults and in females (4). Treatments are often available (e.g., eye drops).
Sjögren’s syndrome: Interferes with parts of the body that produce fluids (5).
Medications: Several medications can cause dry eye, including antidepressants, tranquilisers, and birth control pills (6)

Don’t you feel like crying?

There are many potential non-biological reasons for an inability to cry. Social, cognitive, behavioural, and emotional factors may contribute (7). Here are some possible psychological reasons:

Depression: Can cause ‘empty’ or ‘numb’ emotional states, especially with severe depression.
Other mental health conditions may occur with an inability to cry or experience emotions (e.g., Schizophrenia).
Trauma: psychological trauma is sometimes associated with emotional numbing. This may occur as part of dissociation.
Grief: A highly individual process that brings overwhelming emotions and an absence of feelings.
Beliefs about emotions: Crying might get blocked by certain assumptions about emotions. For example ‘Feelings are dangerous’ and ‘I will lose control if I get upset’.
Cultural factors: There are cultural differences in crying acceptability and frequency. For instance, men cry less than women (8).
Image concerns: Those who worry about negative evaluation by others may struggle to cry.

Someone bawling their eyes out

At the other end of the spectrum, be on the lookout for:

Frequent crying
Crying with no apparent trigger
Crying that interferes with daily life

Seek professional advice if you persistently experience one or more of these issues. If worried about another person, here is how you can ask if they are ok.

How to make yourself cry

Don’t force yourself to cry. This could make matters worse. Instead, consider these suggestions:

Seek professional input, especially when crying inability persists.
Start talking about issues that concern you but you avoid discussing. Easier said than done, but do this little and often to get the ball rolling.
Talk back to thoughts that demonise crying (e.g., crying is a sign of weakness). What’s another way to look at this situation? What would I say to a friend who had this thought? What is a healthy, long-view perspective on crying? You may feel more comfortable to cry by weakening these thoughts.
An inability to cry may not be a bad thing. Perhaps you’ve rarely cried in your life. Some people have different set points for crying.
Be wary of catastrophising. Are you concerned about your inability to cry? Does this inability interfere with your life? Perhaps this is not a big deal. Perhaps someone is telling you this should be a problem.
Consider other ways to express difficult or negative emotions (e.g., artwork)

Summary

An inability to cry may be due to several reasons. This situation does not necessarily mean something is wrong. But, consider seeking help if not crying causes distress or disruption to your life.