You Are Infatuated. What Next?
Infatuated: The Meaning And The Response
We've all been there before. You meet someone new and you can't stop thinking about them. You're daydreaming about your future together, what your kids will look like, where you'll go on vacation...you're completely obsessed.
But what does it really mean to be infatuated with someone?
Infatuation vs Love
It's important to distinguish between infatuation and love. Infatuation is a short-lived passion usually based on intense feelings and sometimes an unrealistic view of relationships.
It's that "love at first sight" feeling that is intensely physical and emotional. On the other hand, love is a deep affection built over time based on trust, mutual respect, and genuine admiration.
So how can you tell if you're just infatuated or actually in love? Here are some key differences:
Love is patient; infatuation is not. When you're infatuated with someone, you want them now and are not willing to wait.
Relationship objectives differ. With love, people tend to focus on the relationship's longer-term elements (e.g., trust, respect). Infatuation tends to focus on short-term objectives (e.g., being around the person).
Love grows stronger over time in a healthy relationship. Infatuation fades quickly. The initial "high" of being in love fades, but what replaces it is a much deeper connection.
What Can You Do About It?
There's nothing wrong with you when infatuation strikes. It's normal to have these feelings from time to time. However, look out for the following situations:
The object of your affection doesn't feel the same way
Feelings interfere with your ability to function
You are acting in a way that is intrusive or unwanted (e.g. being overbearing)
It might be time to step back if any of the above situations apply to you. The key here is to manage powerful emotions that dominate your thinking and behaviour.
Many techniques exist to improve self-control. Some examples include:
Looking out for thinking distortions
Mentally unhooking from thoughts
Breathing and body calming strategies (see the Skills Page for more).
Another way to try and break out of your infatuation is to focus on yourself. Spend some time doing activities you enjoy. Life must continue regardless of the infatuation. You don’t want to neglect existing relationships.
Another option is talking to the object of your feelings. How you approach this will depend on the circumstances. If feelings are mutual, you can discuss how to progress in a way that’s comfortable for both people.
Summary
Infatuation is short-lived passion usually based on an idealisation of someone. If you think you might be infatuated, don't worry—it's normal to have these feelings from time to time.
However, infatuation can sometimes lead to unhealthy behaviours. Try the self-management strategies suggested above if you are concerned about your response. It's tough when the object of your affection doesn't feel the same way about you. However, you must respect their perspective and avoid any inappropriate behaviours.
If you're really struggling, it might be time to seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand your feelings and give you tools to deal with them in a healthy way.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
