What is Onism, and what does it mean for you?
Onism definition
I write another instalment of John Koenig's Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows in this article. We have previously talked about Monachopsis, Exulansis, and Sonder. This time, let's look at the term 'Onism'.
Is Onism a real word? John thinks so. He defines this term as (1):
"The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time..."
We can define this term in several ways. I offer a few possibilities in this article. These ideas represent my take on Onism. But, you may have a different perspective.
What is the meaning of onism?
For me, these are the key elements of Onism:
A difficult emotional state
The central emotional theme of Onism is frustration. This state comes from thinking about unfulfilled experiences. In essence, there is a gap between desire and reality. We all face this 'reality gap' in life. Unpleasant emotions become more intense as this gap widens (2).
Fear of missing out
In his definition, John talks about the analogy of watching a departure board at an airport as a reminder of things you cannot experience.
FOMO gets people down. We can think about the fear of missing out in two ways:
Social comparison theory: Psychologist Leon Festinger (3) argued that we naturally tend to compare ourselves to others. What's more, we tend to compare upward (e.g., Jane has a better house, John is more intelligent than me). You might wish you were going to an alternative destination after watching a passenger rushing off on a more exotic-sounding trip.
Opportunity cost: Economists tell us that we always miss out on something when we take any action. To continue the travel metaphor, opportunity cost is the value of the most preferred trip relative to the journey we actually took.
You are here, not there
As humans, we can only be in one body in one place and location in time. The present moment is all we have. Onism captures the frustration with this limit to our existence.
However, we are all prone to mentally travelling to different places and times. Problems arise when our brain wanders away from the present moment too frequently.
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Onism synonym
The famous phrase 'You can't be in two places at once' seems relevant here. But don't lose all hope. Physicists seem to have demonstrated quantum superposition (4).
What can I do about onism?
While we hold out for scientists to give us the ability to occupy multiple locations simultaneously, it may be helpful to consider a psychological response to this issue.
If you can go along with my analysis, these seem to be the key strategies in coping with Onism:
It's unavoidable
Based on social comparison theory (including the upward bias), opportunity cost, and current physical limitations, we cannot avoid a degree of Onism. This emotion is a normal feature of our existence.
We can notice, name, and normalise difficult emotional states. Acknowledging the normality of Onism may help you shift your perspective on this state from a problem to 'solve' to a natural feature of life.
Get mindful
Mindfulness is a helpful approach to cultivating present-moment focus. Mindfulness may also be a way to mentally step back from the frustration of Onism. If you've not already tried this strategy, here is an article on mindfulness and here is a body scan exercise:
Get grateful
Psychological science has revealed the many benefits of gratitude. Try keeping a gratitude journal and see if this approach helps calm mounting FOMO.
Onism in a sentence
She felt great Onism sitting at home, unable to travel (due to that bloody pandemic).
I'm sure you have a better example to send me....
Onism shoes
Fun (or just a dull) fact: Onism is also a brand of shoes. Onism is also the name of an album by the band Photay. The' Inharmonious Slog' track is perhaps a good alternative definition for Onism.
Summary
Onism is yet another example of the unavoidable difficult inner states we must face in life. Whether or not you believe in this concept, the strategies listed above can help you cope with a range of challenging emotions.
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References
(1) https://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com/post/73524850764/onism
(2) Harris, R. (2012). The reality slap. London: Robinson
(3) Festinger, L. (1954).
(4) Fein et al. (2019). Quantum superposition of molecules beyond 25 kDa. Nature Physics, 15, 1242-1245.